On Saturday Paul bought me a gorgeous 8 week old kitten, she is adorable!
After thinking for hours of names for her a friend on fb suggested Matilda and calling her Tilly.
We loved that so Tilly is her name, she’s settling in well and giving lots of cuddles xxx
For some reason this song makes me cry and it’s called Cry …
Cry lyrics – Kelly Clarkson
If anyone asks,
I’ll tell them we both just moved on
When people all stare
I’ll pretend that I don’t hear them talk
Whenever I see you,
I’ll swallow my pride
and bite my tongue
Pretend I’m okay with it all
Act like there’s nothing wrong
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry
If anyone asks,
I’ll tell them we just grew apart
Yeah what do I care
If they believe me or not
Whenever I feel
Your memory is breaking my heart
I’ll pretend I’m okay with it all
Act like there’s nothing wrong
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry
I’m talking in circles
I’m lying, they know it
Why won’t this just all go away
Is it over yet?
Can I open my eyes?
Is this as hard as it gets?
Is this what it feels like to really cry?
Cry
Cry
I heard today that my younger brother who cannot read or write and who depends on my family for near enough everything, is getting his disability allowance taken from him at the end of the month!
He was to be scored and get over 15 yet they scored him 0 after asking him basic questions like If you had £1 and spent 75p how much would you have left?
David could not answer this, he is 23 years old.
Let’s face it who would hire him for a job? I love him to pieces but I also know he has know patience or concentration skills, he spends alot of his time in his own world or playing his Xbox – that is the one thing that truly he loves and is good at.
And of course the money he does receive every month goes towards games for the Xbox or DVDs he has no interest in clothes or trainers or going to the pub he just wants to watch tv, play Xbox or go to the cinema.
If you read this then you may think well surely if that’s all he does his parents can support him? Yes they can and they do but why should they not receive any help, it’s not like he was getting thousands every month an illness as a baby ruined his chance at having what we would consider a normal life, but he knows no different! There are drug addicts and people abusing the system every day who receive payments but now because they say at 23 David should have a job and they won’t continue to pay his allowance my parents should just accept it?
No, it’s messed up and just completely unacceptable those people who made this decision should spend a day with David and see exactly how he lives!
I won’t apologise for this rant as I am so angry.
The fact is, David won’t be the only one who gets his allowance stopped this year and something needs to be done about it.
<3
"A Thousand Years"
Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
One step closer
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more
My family arrive in Australia next month and I am soooooooooooooo excited it strangely nervous to see them!!
I won’t have seen them for over 2 years and they meet my fiancé for the first time!!!
They will love him
So excited to show them Sydney and make sure they have an amazing holiday…. Then it’s our wedding day on the 10th March 
All gone in so fast yet 2 years has dragged in when I can’t see the people I love
I can’t wait xxxx
I still remember the promises we made
All the long conversations we had
The plans
The laughter
The tears
Goodbye was the worst
New beginnings
The past
The present
The future
Who knew
Did we?
Was it real?
Yes
No
Who knows?
I don’t
Do you?
It hurts
Always will
You’ve changed
Have I ?
I never thought it would be this way
Did you?
I’m in love
So are you
More promises
The future
A life
Fresh start
I still remember
I don’t forget
I wish you well
I’d like you in my life
I miss you
Do you miss me?
I keep you locked away in my past
But I remember you always
My friend I hope to always remember ..
So fed up right now 
My life right now consists of working and worrying about work, so much to do and not enough time to do it ..
I’m constantly tired and emotional saving every penny for the wedding and we are still behind on what we should have saved, on top of that debt with trying to fix boats and engines and cars and carpets that get flooded nothing is going right
I have no life and really can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel just feel totally and utterly depressed and questioning why Paul would even want to be with me ..
Life is very lonely right now and no matter how many “offers” of speaking in skype with friends and family it very rarely happens I just feel alone
*sigh*
For some reason today is the day i realised i am truly blessed ..
I have been sulking about for the last few weeks feeling sorry for myself, depressed, lonely i have been extremely grumpy and snapping at things i would normally laugh at.
I have felt my old life in Scotland had faded away to a memory and that maybe i was still trying to live that life and be a part of everyone’s life through facebook, twitter etc ..
Truth is i have stopped myself truly moving on and i don’t know why?! I get jealous hearing about friends going out, having nights out drinking and gossiping going to the cinema, just being in my comfort zone.
Yes i have met a fantastic guy over here and he treats me like a princess but still deep down i longed to be home in my own surroundings not having to bother to try meet new people as i was happy with the ones i already knew.
And today sat at home alone i really thought about my life, had a cry (i’m good at that) and realised i am pathetic!!!! truly and utterly pathetic
I am thousands of miles away in Australia, i was given an amazing opportunity and had i not taken it i would never of met Paul, i would never have met his amazing family, who after one meeting welcomed me with open arms into there family and who would do anything for me, i have gained a future sister and brother in law and 2 gorgeous nephews and a beautiful neice.
I have chosen to sit around depressed and moping around the place like a sad old bint but today for some reason the dark cloud above me has lifted and i see how wrong i have been, i am lucky, truly lucky to be alive and have people who love me. To see my mum smile on skype when i logged on and how excited she is about coming to Australia makes me happy
I have said it many times before but life is too short to be acting like i was i have learnt that the hard way at times but i want to be here, i want to live my life and i want to have fun
I know that my blog doesn’t get read, but sometimes it’s good just to type away and not have a care in the world
even all my errors with grammar etc make me smile 
There are times recently I have felt so lonely and missed my family and friends in the uk so much, lots of things have happened over the last year and I truly am settled over in Australia, I have the fiancé to prove it …
But some things just aren’t the same, I don’t have the same kind of friends that I had before which is normal I guess as my best friend back home I’ve known since I was 4!!
I used to talk lots to someone who was so special in my life, still is but it seems we have drifted apart, I hope that they will always be some part of my life but I guess we move on and go different directions in life and its only natural, but they are on my mind and I miss them more than I’ll let on!
Hope for the best in life I guess..
‘The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.’
karen230683
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