"A Thousand Years"

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

I won’t have seen them for over 2 years and they meet my fiancé for the first time!!!

They will love him

So excited to show them Sydney and make sure they have an amazing holiday…. Then it’s our wedding day on the 10th March

All gone in so fast yet 2 years has dragged in when I can’t see the people I love

I can’t wait xxxx

All the long conversations we had

The plans

The laughter

The tears

Goodbye was the worst

New beginnings

The past

The present

The future

Who knew

Did we?

Was it real?

Yes

No

Who knows?

I don’t

Do you?

It hurts

Always will

You’ve changed

Have I ?

I never thought it would be this way

Did you?

I’m in love

So are you

More promises

The future

A life

Fresh start

I still remember

I don’t forget

I wish you well

I’d like you in my life

I miss you

Do you miss me?

I keep you locked away in my past

But I remember you always

My friend I hope to always remember ..

My life right now consists of working and worrying about work, so much to do and not enough time to do it ..

I’m constantly tired and emotional saving every penny for the wedding and we are still behind on what we should have saved, on top of that debt with trying to fix boats and engines and cars and carpets that get flooded nothing is going right

I have no life and really can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel just feel totally and utterly depressed and questioning why Paul would even want to be with me ..

Life is very lonely right now and no matter how many “offers” of speaking in skype with friends and family it very rarely happens I just feel alone

*sigh*

I have been sulking about for the last few weeks feeling sorry for myself, depressed, lonely i have been extremely grumpy and snapping at things i would normally laugh at.

I have felt my old life in Scotland had faded away to a memory and that maybe i was still trying to live that life and be a part of everyone’s life through facebook, twitter etc ..

Truth is i have stopped myself truly moving on and i don’t know why?! I get jealous hearing about friends going out, having nights out drinking and gossiping going to the cinema, just being in my comfort zone.

Yes i have met a fantastic guy over here and he treats me like a princess but still deep down i longed to be home in my own surroundings not having to bother to try meet new people as i was happy with the ones i already knew.

And today sat at home alone i really thought about my life, had a cry (i’m good at that) and realised i am pathetic!!!! truly and utterly pathetic

I am thousands of miles away in Australia, i was given an amazing opportunity and had i not taken it i would never of met Paul, i would never have met his amazing family, who after one meeting welcomed me with open arms into there family and who would do anything for me, i have gained a future sister and brother in law and 2 gorgeous nephews and a beautiful neice.

I have chosen to sit around depressed and moping around the place like a sad old bint but today for some reason the dark cloud above me has lifted and i see how wrong i have been, i am lucky, truly lucky to be alive and have people who love me. To see my mum smile on skype when i logged on and how excited she is about coming to Australia makes me happy

I have said it many times before but life is too short to be acting like i was i have learnt that the hard way at times but i want to be here, i want to live my life and i want to have fun

I know that my blog doesn’t get read, but sometimes it’s good just to type away and not have a care in the world

even all my errors with grammar etc make me smile

But some things just aren’t the same, I don’t have the same kind of friends that I had before which is normal I guess as my best friend back home I’ve known since I was 4!!

I used to talk lots to someone who was so special in my life, still is but it seems we have drifted apart, I hope that they will always be some part of my life but I guess we move on and go different directions in life and its only natural, but they are on my mind and I miss them more than I’ll let on!

Hope for the best in life I guess..

Just recently as i heard about friends back home getting ready for this year’s TITP and when Stereophonics former drummer Stuart Cable passed away i realised i hadn’t thought about Derek in a while, i immediately felt terrible and was so annoyed at myself that i had forgot him, being over here in Australia i don’t really have anyone that i can sit down and have a chat with about stuff like this and the time difference back home just makes it slightly awkward, any way after many tears and a good talking to myself i began to realise that it’s ok that i don’t think about him every single day and that certain things in life will always make me remember Derek sometimes it will be the sadness of a death like with Stuart Cable ( at Derek’d funeral Last of the big time drinkers was played) that song reminds me of one of the first times i saw the Stereophonics live and how amazing Stuart was and in turn it reminds me of the fun we had with Derek and how he enjoyed live music and having a good laugh.

These are also the times i will remember and i think he would want us to have moved on and be happy to have the memories of him

Derek i may not think about you every single day now but i promise you that i will never ever forget you

hope you are rocking out and having a good old bevy session up there big guy

sleep tight xx

And my momma swore
that she would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I’d never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darlin’,
You, are, the only exception
But, you, are, the only exception
But, you, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe i know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we’ve got to find other ways
To make it alone
Or keep a straight face

And i’ve always lived like this
Keeping it comfortable,
distance, and up until now
I’d sworn to myself that I’m content
With loneliness
Because none of it
was ever worth the risk, but…

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I’ve got a tight grip on reality
But I can’t let go of what’s in front of me here
I know you’re leaving in the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream

Oh

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I’m on my way to believing.
Oh, And I’m on my way to believing.

*PARAMORE* <3

Think it would be like this?

Did you mean all that you said?

Did you ever even love me?

Was it all just wishful thinking?

Do you even miss me?

Am i even in your thoughts?

Should i have given you my heart?

Do you even know that you have broken it?

Do you know i miss you?

Do you even care?

Will you even read this?

Do you know this is about you?

Do you even care?